Refreshing

Yes, Yes, Yes...

2009-03-29T19:05:00.001-07:00

It's been OVER a year since I've posted... but much has changed since then, including my blog.

So my new address, to go with my new name, is: beingmrswylie.blogspot.com

See you there!

Changes and catching up

2008-03-04T17:50:00.000-08:00

There have been a few things over the past month that I have tried to make a mental note to blog about.

First, I'll address the books.

I read "Choosing Forgiveness" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I have read several of her books and have enjoyed every one of them. This book talked about recognizing the need to forgive, that everything is forgivable (whether it feels like it or not) and helps you to determine if you really have forgiven. The other great thing she does is help point out the consequences to a lack of forgiveness and clinging to sin and bitterness toward other people and even yourself.

The second book I wanted to mention is "The Wisdom of Tenderness" by Brennan Manning. I tried to read it over a year ago and couldn't make it past the intro. I picked it up a little over a month ago and read it quickly. Manning does a great job delving into the tenderness that is Jesus and his love. He talks about what it is to show that tenderness to others, but more so how to live in the tenderness of Christ in our relationship with him.

On a fictional note, I've also read two of Vince Flynn books (his first two). They are great thrillers. FBI, CIA and secret service type books.

The other fictional book that I would highly recommend to those that like to read... "Lonesome Dove" by Larry McMurtry. There are some quarky things about the book, but really just great characters. The portrail of people and life is excellent. I had a hard time predicting what would happen next... and definitely felt the frustration of people's choices just like I do in the real world.

Now on to life details.

I am living with the Cherrys. My house went on the market in December, and I am hoping to close in the next week. I also found a job at SBTI (Sigma Breakthrough Technologies, Inc.) down in San Marcos. The commute is FABULOUS!

That's about life for now. I will tell you that work is great. I think it might be one of the best places I've worked at to date. The people are nice. They are laid back and seem to enjoy what they do. There is very little drama and office politics. I was talking to one guy today that has been there over five years, and he was saying some very positive and encouraging things that he didn't have to say about the company - no one else was around to hear.

I'm not sure that I have anything else to share right now. So I'll return with more as life goes on.

Back to Blogging

2008-02-03T13:00:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just look around and wonder what is going on? How you got to where you are? What made you who you are?

I’m sitting down, laying actually, in the guest room – my room – at the Cherry home. I have been back in Austin for a little over two weeks… and I have no regrets. No regrets leaving or coming back.

I am jobless. I am job hunting. I am blessed with a place to stay and with people who care about me. I know God gave them to me. I am amazed that he would meet all my needs – not just financial. I am humbled that I could have ever doubted him – that he could meet my needs and that he’d know all I need.

I feel as though I am surrounded by spiritual giants. I don’t understand why or how… but rather than intimidating (my usual state around people God uses and is using), it’s completely exciting to me.

So it brings me back to my original questions – do you ever just look around and wonder what is going on? How you got to where you are? What made you who you are?

Really, it’s more:
Are you excited that, though none of the answers above really matter or even make sense, God is doing something new, different, big? Cause, I am completely excited.

I believe I am about to be prepared for something else. Or maybe I’ve been prepared and now I am to put it into practice? I don’t really know. All I know is that I feel as though I am on the cusp of something. Fun times.

Coming Out of a Daze

2007-12-30T11:28:00.000-08:00

The past two weeks have felt like this. I can’t believe how quickly the last six months of my life has past – I also can’t believe how much has transpired in that amount of time. I feel like a totally different person. I told my aunt today that the last six months of “trial and tribulation” has produced more change in me than 18 months of “spiritual high” produced.

I moved from Austin to South Africa (six weeks counts in my mind!) to Tucson to California (again six weeks counts!). I left a great job and a difficult boss. I met my new sister-in-law and saw my brother get married. I lost my grandfather. I “met” my family… I got to know them for all their many good traits and faults. I discovered many of my own traits – good and bad. I was humbled. I found peace. I’m learning to rest and to trust. I am finding myself in quiet awe of the God who controls my life and who loves me. At times it's still hard to believe.

A lot has been happening in my family. My grandmother is deciding where and how she wants to live. Mom has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. Quincy is married. I feel as though there has been some “rocking” in the boat and things under the surface of our family are making their way to the top... and becoming oh so obvious.

2008 is bound to be an amazing year. I remember saying that about 2007, and I believe it was an amazing year. What could possibly be in store for us, for me… We shall soon find out.

The New View

2007-12-30T11:15:00.000-08:00

This is the neighborhood I've been staying in the past six weeks.

This is a picture of the entrance to my aunt and uncle's house. It's one of my very favorite.

My first fishing lesson

2007-12-08T10:21:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite picture of my grandpa and me. I'll have more pictures coming soon. I hope to show you some of the views from where I'm at here in California.

So much for every week

2007-11-02T17:29:00.001-07:00

In my last post, I said I was going to try and post once a week. So much for that! Things have been a bit more than hectic. In my effort to catch up with the weeks I’ve missed, I am going to post a few back to back.

I'm going to do my best over the next few months, but I can't promise anything!

Manuel M. Gonzales

2007-11-02T17:28:00.000-07:00

My grandfather passed away on October 18, 2007. I was blessed to be with him. I was taking over “the night shift,” in order to experience what it would be like when we brought him home. My dad had just finished an entire day with him, and I was relieving him to go home and rest. It was my turn to do all night.

Around an hour after my arrival, my grandfather left. He was peaceful. I wish that I was more alert to what was going on… it all happened so fast that my memory is fuzzy. I thought I was seeing things. I had to get the nurses to check and to tell me.

I remember holding his hand and saying “I will see you soon.” I promised him that I would take care of his wife of over 63 years – his high school sweetheart. And I touched him…. I finally got to remove the hospital gloves and touch him. Flesh of his flesh holding his hand and touching his face.

A man loved and respected. His memorial was beautiful. It honored the God he served and the life he lived.

Rant and Revelation

2007-11-02T17:26:00.000-07:00

You will have to figure out which is which. I’m not sure there’s an easy way for me write out, or even put in words, this post. I will give it my best shot and try to stay brief at the same time.

Let me start with James 2:14-26. Emphasis added is mine.

What use is it, my brethren if a man says he has faith, but he has no works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,” and yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself. But someone may well say, “You have faith, and I have works; show me your faith without the works, and I will show you my faith by my works.” You believe that God is one. You do well; the demons also believe and shudder. But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless? Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he offered up Isaac his son on the altar? You see that faith was working with his works, and as result of the works, faith was perfected; and the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “AND ABRAHAM BELIEVED GOD, AND IT WAS RECKONED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS,” and he was called the friend of God. You see that a man is justified by works, and not by faith alone. And in the same way was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works, when she received the messengers and sent them out by another way? For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.

Two words come to mind: obedience and passiveness.

Passiveness is our family curse. It is our tendency to let things go rather than correct, confront or create conflict. What is more common is snapping back, reacting with disrespect or not bothering to acknowledge the other person at all, pretending like they aren’t even there.

Obedience is what we have been called to. So much change and improvement is hindered by a lack of obedience. What do we hinder when we choose not to obey?

So these two actions, or lack thereof, combined with the phrases “God can do anything” and “Jesus fights my battles” anger me. To leave it all to God when He has asked for obedience and then be shocked when He waits for our obedience before moving us to the next step, drives me nuts. Let me clarify. I believe both of these phrases and truths. I also believe that God calls us to obey and fight with him and outcomes are affected by our choices.

OK. Thank you for reading. I’m done. I have now sparked a conversation that I feel the need to participate in.

Now I'm going to have to post a part two to this post based on the aforementioned discussion.

Welcome to the desert

2007-10-15T11:14:00.000-07:00

Things have been hectic this past week. I want to show you some of my saving grace.

When it's cool enough to read, pray and study outside, here's where I do it... It's a fantastic view. I will miss it if/when we move to town.

We have not found anywhere to move, yet. My hope is still there.

I have more to post later one revelation and one rant.

It's a new life

2007-10-04T07:19:00.000-07:00

I am currently reading “Cries of the Heart” by Ravi Zacharias. I am totally hooked on this guy. Here are my two favorite quotes so far:

Listening [to God] has a cost, but it has the greatest reward of all, the will of God. Softened as we are by our comforts and by a false idea that serving God is easy and exhilarating, we wonder why He is so far away from us when, in fact, it may be that we are the ones who have left His proximity. We have become so accustomed to hearing preachers or expositors, as important as that is, that many in the process have abandoned the grand privilege of personally hearing from God’s Word daily.
…the problem of evil is not solved by doing away with the existence of God in the face of evil; the problem of evil and suffering must be resolved while keeping God in the picture. This was precisely Job’s conclusion. He never once lost sight of the fact that God was very much in control. But he could not reconcile this with his theological framework. He had always assumed that if you are good you will be blessed and if you are bad you would be cursed. Why, when he had been good, was he being cursed? His theology was tottering, not his belief in God.

This last Monday, I attended my first Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) class for this year. I LOVED it. Having had some inconsistent experiences, I was completely blessed and challenged by going. I was asked to seriously contemplate which of the three following categories I fall into (based on Matthew 2).

Am I rebellious and selfish like Herod, not wanting a king in my life to displace me?
Am I indifferent and passive like the scribes, filled with the knowledge but not heart, worship, service or obedience in my life?
Am I eager to know, worship and seek Christ like the magi, persevering and determined to enter the presence of Christ regardless of the cost/sacrifice?

On a random side note: I am going to make an effort to post once a week. This will be a challenge for me, but I think it could end up being quite fun. Let me know what you guys think. Let me know you’re reading.

Things are going good, so far. A bit crazy, as usual. Here’s a random list:
Mom has surgery this morning.
Grandpa is still in the hospital.
Dad a hit a deer last night on the way home.
Mom’s car is having technical difficulties. So I went test driving new cars…
I’m hoping to help move my grandma into town, if God provides a place for us.
I have not even started looking for a job.
I renewed my library card (this is terribly exciting to me!).
I found the two closest Starbucks to the hospital, and they both have drive thrus!
I am compiling an ever growing list of things I said I would never do that God is making me do.
I am learning to understand Spanish through family stories my grandmother tells me.

Salud de Mi Familia

2007-09-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

What can I say? Where do I start?

Grandpa (Tata) is still in the hospital. It’s actually an acute care facility, so it’s kind of a hospital and kind of not. He had one good day when I first got here and the following have been average at best. He was to go into the hospital for a surgery with less than a week recovery/stay following. We are now going on month three – 12 weeks. He has been in and out of the ICU around five times. He has been to two different rehab places and three different hospitals (one of which he was admitted to twice). Around week 10 they put in a trach (sp?). He can no longer speak to us and has difficulty communicating in an alternate way. He weighs less than 100lbs and looks like what I would imagine a prisoner in a concentration camp would look like. He is too weak to walk, stand or pretty much anything else. Despite all the sad report, he is still living. He wants to live and is fighting to live. He has been through a lot, and we are all praying for his continued improvement and growing strength.

My mother. Several weeks ago they found tumors on her thyroid. She has been handicapped for the past few months. She can walk and move but at a snail’s pace. Her balance is delicate. Her concentration and focus minimal. It’s difficult to see and harder knowing that she is still waiting surgery. We do not know if the tumors are benign or malignant. She is to see the specialist on Tuesday – FINALLY. I’ll keep you posted. Thank you all for your prayers.

Brie is showing all her symptoms again. They are not to their worst. This time we know what we are seeing as it begins.

This pretty much covers the immediate family. Things here are trying at best. I am thankful to be here though. I know there is still much in store. I am just waiting to see what it is and trying to remain faithful with the task God has given me now.

Grandma’s House

2007-09-24T08:33:00.000-07:00

I’m living with my grandma (Nana) right now. I haven’t fully moved in, but I’m working on it.

For the first time in at least a decade, I slept in the bed I used to sleep in as a child when our family would visit for Christmas.

Her house smells the same as it always has. It smells like home. It brings back wonderful memories of a different time in my life. I don’t even know how to describe the scent. It’s something that only belongs to this place. Maybe it’s all the Mexican cooking.

As a side note: I’m going to learn Mexican cooking. Stephanie, you’ll be proud of me. I’ve already cooked one dinner, and I haven’t been here a week!

Life As I Know It…

2007-09-24T08:31:00.000-07:00

Will never be the same. I have no idea where God is taking me but I know I am on an intense journey. Given the health of my family and all the changes in my own heart and life, something is coming.

Be warned, if you pray for humility and humbleness, your weaknesses will begin to present themselves without fail. Same goes for when you pray for your sin to be evident in your life. If you begin to look for areas in your life where you're not trusting God, He'll show you that there are many more than you first thought.

God has brought me to a place in my life where I can no longer look over my past and all the issues, bitterness and unforgiveness that I harbor regarding my family. He has brought me here – home – to deal with it, and I haven’t the first clue where to begin, except with prayer. I believe it will be in God’s timing. I have faith that He is sovereign over all the events taking place in and around my life.

South Africa

2007-09-24T08:28:00.000-07:00

I don’t even know where to begin to get you through the whole trip. I will start with the day-to-day things and see what comes from that.

I stayed most of my time at Wendy’s house. She (and now Quincy) has a magnificent view of the town of Knysna. The typical day had me reading, journaling or doing anything else that sounded nice and relaxing. I spent most of my six weeks there relaxing. Though I had one week of illness, all that did was allow me to sleep and read more than I already was. I was able to complete all but two or three of the books I took with me.

I had the opportunity to get to know the lives that Quincy and Wendy live. I learned that despite the fantastic location it is still possible to have a bad day at work… but once work is over it’s much easier to get on with having a good evening/night. I learned that they actually do work, as well. I got to meet (and love) Wendy’s family. I also met quite a few of Quincy’s community at church and at work.

Here is where I’ll digress slightly and comment on the fact that it’s amazing to me that such a small city/town could be home to so many cool people. From interesting to “just like me”, curious to shy, confident to questioning all the people I met were people I would love to be friends with.

I also learned (as is mentioned in my lessons learned entry) that I don’t think I will ever live there… at least not anytime soon. Several people asked me when I was going to move. After my last visit, I would have said “Next week!” but God allowed me the time to realize that though it may seem like paradise it is not a place that I am to call “Home.”

A few of the things I did:
Pezula Spa – It was a fantastic experience. Would definitely do it again and again and again.
Sedgefield Market – We had breakfast here before a lovely hike. It was like going to the Renaissance Festival, but not.
Mystery Murder Dinner – So much more fun than I would have guessed. (Shhhh… don’t tell but Wendy did it!)
International Waffle Day – a.k.a. Wendy’s birthday. Can’t say that I had ever celebrated either before. However, now I will look forward to it every year.
The Farm – A couple from church live on a farm outside of Knysna; it could very well be my favorite place on earth. Before you ask, no, I don’t have pictures. I wish I did. Maybe I’ll go back and get some. Someone twist my arm… hurry.
Bird Land – I saw Toucan Sam!! You know, the Fruit Loop bird. I was also attacked by two cockatoos. I don’t have pictures but someone does. I’ll see if I can get my hands on them.
Driving – that’s right folks. I learned to drive on the other side of the road AND in a standard. Look out world, here I come…. Don’t forget your seatbelt.
Ushing – I also learned how to ush. I don’t know that I was very good at it, but I gave it my best shot. At this point, it would be beyond obvious if I mentioned the wedding… see posts below.

If I think of anything else to share, I’ll be sure to post it.

P.S. The pictures of Quincy and Wendy’s wedding are compliments of a friend, his name is Werner. I want to be sure to give credit where credit is due. I was remiss in taking photos during the entire trip.

The Wedding

2007-09-22T08:16:00.000-07:00

The boys head to the church in the get-away car. The father of the bride gives her away.
The bride and groom stand before the priest.
Elijah sings "Intimate" to close the ceremony.
The new father-in-law welcomes Wendy to the family.

The gorgeous ring.

The glowing bride.

The bride and groom enter the reception hall.

The delicious cake.
For more pictures check out the following webiste: http://www.todreamphoto.com/

Going to the Chapel

2007-09-17T01:24:00.000-07:00

and we're gonna get maaaarrrriied.

I just want you guys to know that I won't always respond to demands for a post by posting...

Almudena, I don't have pictures available to post. Sorry. They are already packed. Once I get home I'll add to this blog. I do have time to give you an update before my flight though. (Dad and I leave in less than two hours.)

Quincy and Wendy got married this past Saturday. My brother is married. I mean actually married... he has a ring on and everything. He learned how to dance! It was a beautiful wedding. Wendy and her mother, Heibi did an outstanding job. Lists and schedules abounded... everyone knew where they should be and when. It was great! (I can honestly say that I hope to one day have in-laws at great as these... their family is AMAZING.)

The ceremony was a nice blend of both traditional and modified contemporary... not sure what else to call it. They basically pieced it together the way they wanted it to be. It was beautiful. It was sacred.

On a side note. I was more than proud of my brother. I was witness to the first decision I have seen him make at the potential of great personal cost... to the glory of God and not man. It brought an incredible amount of peace. He is a man, and he knows what he believes. Wendy was by his side through the whole thing, encouraging and supporting.

They, together, create an amazing foundation for their new family, their new legacy.

OK. That's all you get from me for know. I'll post pictures and a bit more about my trip after I get home.

Lessons I’m Learning

2007-08-31T12:30:00.000-07:00

This is probably the post most have been waiting for. I have been out of work for four weeks and here in South Africa for three. God’s been up to some amazing stuff in my life. These will be listed in no particular order/revelation.

Lesson 1. Shattered dreams. I came here with definite expectations of what God would teach me – now I should clarify that there was a mixture of expectation and hope. I also came with a definite impression of how I would be and how things would be. Well it took less than 24 hrs for that to begin to break and about a week for it to shatter. All my expectations and all my desires were taken. Left in their place was something so much more amazing. It’s the remaining lessons. I only regret that He had to break my desires to get me to turn them over to Him.

Lesson 2. Where God has me. I knew as I was leaving Texas that God had me at home. He aligned things so perfectly and in His timing that for once in my life I was not worried… at least not that I can remember. I had a complete peace. The hardest part was leaving friends.

As I was booking my flight, I had people mention just booking a one-way ticket. My first thought was that mom would kill me. My second was that it’s just not the way I do things. My last thought was… ahh that would be too freaky. It turns out that I made the right choice.

God has given me even more confirmation that Arizona is where He has me. Again His timing was perfect. He gave me just enough time at home to realize that I would need this time to prepare. He has used this time to mold me and prepare me to be at home. I am not expecting it to be easy. It’s more of an understanding that if it’s where God has me, nowhere else would be “easy.” Who wants easy anyway?

Lesson 3. God’s sovereignty and happiness. I’m reading this John Piper book “The Pleasures of God.” I started it and wasn’t so sure I was going to like his style. I was having to read his sentences three and four times to understand what he was trying to get across.

Well by chapter three I was hooked. His whole point is that God is a happy God. In everything He does – everything He says, makes and does – He is happy. I have never really thought much of happiness… as my belief was that God promised us joy and much more, but happiness was never on the list. Anyway, I am now reconsidering.

According to Piper, God’s happiness and sovereignty are linked. Because all is as He wills and as He purposes, nothing is a surprise and nothing is bad including those things we call bad.

Having known that the creation would require His Son, who existed before creation and assisted in creation, God still created us. Not because He was alone and in need, but because it made Him happy.

OK, I will stop rambling. I’m still reading it and mulling it over. Most are new thoughts and concepts. It’s taking me a while to process. I haven’t gotten to part about humans bringing happiness to God. I’ve only read about how God is happy…
I serve a happy God. How cool.

Lesson 4. Submission. ‘Nough said, right? I finally tackled the book “The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace. Yes, I know I’m not married, but can I tell you reading the book is convicting, and in less than a day I was catching myself thinking stuff that she talked about.

It’s weird really. As I was reading it, there were parts I definitely thought “This is cheesy, I would never say that.” At the same time, the balance to those statements – the opposite – were things I said and thought… made me stop to consider whether those cheesy statements are really what I need to be saying.

Anyway, I am working on submission. Mostly my thoughts and attitudes need to be brought into submission.

Lesson 5. Cleansing and filling. A long time ago, Stephanie left a pamphlet by Kay Arthur for me. I’ve probably only completed it once or twice, but I remember thinking it’s something I’d like to do regularly. I randomly grabbed it as I was packing for my trip.

Well, I recently finished it. It’s absolutely amazing how freeing it is to confess what is in your heart. It took me four days or so to work through it (it took me a week to get started!). Every time I started I prayed that I would be more than honest in my answers that I would be detailed. I was both, and I feel as though I am a blank slant now. I would highly recommend it to anyone who is feeling like they are trapped, bogged down, or overwhelmed. I believe it’s actually called “Cleansing and Filling.” If you can’t find it, let me know. I will see if I can find it.

Lesson 6. God’s dwelling place. His dwelling place is my heart. Am I treating it as such?

OK. I think that’s enough of my lessons for now. I’m sure there are more, but these are by far the most prevalent. I have no idea when I will be updating again, but hopefully before I leave here.

Definitely Not My Best

2007-08-31T12:28:00.002-07:00

This is just a side post to say that I’m working at getting back into writing and blogging. So I apologize if my posts seem a little rocky. I’ve got to get used to it again. I’m keeping at it though, so stick with me.

Stormy Week

2007-08-31T12:28:00.001-07:00

No, not the weather! My friend Stormy recently finished up a month in Zimbabwe doing missions with a group there. When we spoke of the dates she would be traveling, I asked if she would be able to swing by Knysna, South Africa since she had a stop over in Johannesburg.

When she inquired, the travel agent went ahead a booked it without giving her the option. So
she was able to spend a little over three days here. We stayed closer to town and walked a lot.

We were able to talk and catch up on a lot of things. I was sick most of the time she was here and recovering the other bit. I feel bad that we weren’t able to get out and do more. I’m hoping that just gives her incentive to come back one day.

It’s ironic to me that it had been over a year since I had seen her in the states, even having missed seeing her in Austin. It was wonderful to have her here.

My New Sister

2007-08-31T12:27:00.000-07:00

Her name is Wendy. You can click on Quincy’s blog to the left to see engagement pictures and to hear details.

I have been staying with Wendy most of the time I have been here. She has been great. She is a beautiful, busy woman. I think most of the busy has to do with wedding planning, which she handles like a pro.

It’s wonderful to see Quincy and Wendy together. It’s been such a blessing to have the opportunity to get to know her before the wedding.

I was actually recently talking to Quincy about how much I’ve appreciated their hospitality in letting me come and be a part of their lives for sooooo long. I am enjoying getting to know family and friends.

August 2007

2007-08-30T08:47:00.001-07:00

I spent all of five days at home. It was a very eye opening week.

I have known since the beginning of the year that God was bringing me home. I just didn’t know how or when. I had a vague idea why.

I spent those five days at the hospital, running errands and packing for South Africa. My grandfather had been in the hospital for around six weeks. He had been in and out of the ICU. I am glad that I was able to be there even if just for a few days, to be a part of his recovery. He is a fighter and is very strong still.

On Monday August 6th, I left Tucson around 12pm for one of the longest journeys I’ve ever had that privilege to take. On Wednesday August 8th, I arrived safe and sound at the George Airport in South Africa.

I have more to share about the time I’ve had here in South Africa and what God has been doing. You will have to wait for the next post for those details though!

Gotta keep you wanting more, right? So if I’ve left any details out of the time that I’ve just covered, please send me a note or comment inquiring.

July 2007

2007-08-30T08:46:00.003-07:00

My good friend Melissa moved away from Kyle. Dad came and got a second car load of stuff. I had to say goodbye, oh correction, “See you later” to many good friends in Texas.

I packed up the car for a road trip to Arizona, with a departure date of August 1st.

June 2007

2007-08-30T08:46:00.001-07:00

I have only vague recollections of this month. The most vivid memory was me handing in my resignation at the end of the month. I gave a month notice.

I prayed that God would give me the words to say. I had no clue what I was going to say or how I was going to do it. I also didn’t know how it was going to be received.

Well, as God is so apt to do. He made a way for me to only have to say one word. I sat down with my boss in her office after asking if I could have a word with her. As soon as we sat down, she looked at me and asked if I was leaving. All I had to say was “Yes.”

I asked if I could stay until the end of July. She was very receptive and encouraging. She challenged me to make sure that I really knew what I was doing and that I had thought it all the way through. She also gave me great suggestions on focusing on my aptitudes and not my interests.

May 2007

2007-08-30T08:44:00.000-07:00

A little overlap in posts... but there's no harm. Enjoy the update... finally.

This is when everything went crazy. At the beginning of the month, I was talking to a friend about possibly leasing out my house. By the end of the first week, it was determined I would try to lease it, and I needed to pack up and move out ASAP.

By May 20th, I was out of my house. Stephanie and Denbigh, my dear friends and neighbors, allowed me to move back into their home for the summer.

At the end of May, my dad drove out and picked up the first load of boxes and furniture.

During this time, I was trying to decide when was best for resigning work and how everything was going to work. Obviously, God took over for me and just started opening and closing doors.

July Update

2007-07-14T20:17:00.000-07:00

Almost two months later, I'm ready to give an update.
I have 12 working days left. I am moving to Arizona. My last day of work is July 31st, and then I will head out to Arizona. Shortly after my departure for home, I will leave for South Africa.
I can't believe how much and how quick everything is changing.
It's funny. I'm here ready to write, and I can't seem to think of anything else to say. I think I have been away from this too long.
I will work at posting more regularly. I know I have more to say than this... we'll see if it comes out.
Stay tuned.

9:21 p.m.

2007-05-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

The day is almost over... finally. For some reason I've had a whole string of weird days. Not bad, just funky.

As I sit here typing, I'm trying to figure out what to write. There's been a lot going on, but where does one start? Bunch of good, bunch of not so good.

It struck me this afternoon that within the last week I have been asked to pray for more things than I've been asked for in all of 2007 put together. That's probably an exaggeration, but it feels true tonight. It just seems like crazy stuff is going on...

OK. Well.... I can't seem to write any more so I think I'm done.

Not a fan of this funk.

God's Will

2007-04-08T18:38:00.000-07:00

Thelema - from the verb thelo, to will.

Will - not to be conceived as demand, but as an expression or inclination of pleasure toward that which is liked and that which pleases and creates joy.

When it denotes God's will, it signifies His gracious disposition toward something. Used to designate what God Himself does of His own good pleasure.

Nowhere is it a name for the commands of God, whether in any particular case or in general.

It designates what occurs or what should be done by others as the object of God's good pleasure in the carrying out of the divine purpose or the accomplishment of what He would have, that which He puposes or has purposed, what He regards or does as good.

So it's not a matter obedience... there is no command. It's a matter of choosing to make the One you love happy.

Are You a Chicken or a Blue Jay?

2007-02-18T17:51:00.000-08:00

This is my follow-up Neil McClendon post.

He spoke of an incident that happened when he was a kid. (Now I'm going off memory here... so if I get some details wrong, know that I'm just trying to get his point across.)

A boy had been playing in the yard one day and had injured a small blue jay. He felt bad and was going to kill the bird to put it out of its misery.

His grandfather stopped him and explained to him that if he were to approach the bird to kill it, the bird's "pack" or family would attack him in order to defend the injured bird. As the grandfather explained this the boy watched as other birds surrounded the hurt bird to carry it off to it's nest.

The grandfather then explained that unlike the blue jay, chickens will find an injured or sick chicken and peck it to death rather than protect it.

So I ask... Are you a blue jay? One who gathers around the wounded to help, protect and heal?

Or are you a chicken? Pecking and causing further injury in hopes of killing them?

Random note: As I was trying to verify the blue jay fact, I did a google.com search for "bird that protects and family" and of all the links that came up all but two were in reference to God watching over us as a mother bird protects her young.

The Best Valentine's Day Ever

2007-02-14T18:24:00.000-08:00

How was yours?

Happy Music

2007-02-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

So I have recently been introduced to Michael Buble's music, and it makes me happy.

You can go to his website and enjoy a few of his songs. Go, visit it, and be happy too.

His song "Feeling Good" was my theme song for the beginning of 2007 (emphasis added by me):

Birds flying high, you know how I feel
Sun in the sky, you know how I feel
Breeze drifting on by, you know I feel
It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me and I'm feelin' good.

Fish in the sea, you know how I feel
River running free, you know how I feel
Blossom on a tree, you know how I feel
It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me and I'm feelin' good.

Dragon fly out in the sun, you know what I mean
Butterflies having fun, you know what I mean
Sleeping in peace when the day is done, you know what I mean
And this whole world, is a new world and a bold world for me.

Stars when you shine, you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you, you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine and I know how I feel. It's a new dawn, it's a new day it's a new life for me.

Neil McClendon on Friendship

2007-02-09T18:21:00.000-08:00

Over the Thanksgiving holiday I listened to several of this man's podcasts... I have to say that there were three things he said that I am still thinking about, so I thought I would share the first two here... and the third in another post.

The first thing he said was that we should all surround ourselves with good friends. His phrase was something like "groom up your pallbearers." Make friends that will be there when you die... Just think about it... Groom up your pallbearers.

The second thing he said about friends... a good friend is one who "will bruise you now so you don't bleed later." When I heard this I thought that it was so true. I think God has blessed me with so many good friends... who will bruise me now, so I won't have to bleed later.

My dear friends, you know who you are, thank you for your friendship. It means more to me than you could ever know. I love you all!

Was that 2006?

2007-01-03T18:48:00.000-08:00

So it's over. It's gone. It's done.... It was AMAZING!

Where to begin? How about South Africa?

January 2006 I went to visit my brother... it changed my life. Truth be told my life started to change in November 2005, but January 2006 I knew it... and I saw what was coming.

So let's back track. November 2005, God tells me I'm going to get my "ideal" job, despite all signs that I'm not qualified. By the end of the month it's mine. December 2006, I start.

January 2006, God tells me more... life changing, altering. 2006 is going to be my turning point. The Spirit is moving.

Does this all sound cheesy?? It feels like it... but at the same time... it's how it all went down. I spent 12 hours in a car thinking about this past year.

I come back from my fabulous vacation to Africa to find out the coolest boss I've ever had, has resigned... little did I know that this was the beginning of a refining and molding unlike anything I have been through before.

In March my new boss starts. Ouch. Ouch. o)uch. Please reference my blog posting from September 6th and 7th to get a small hint of what's been going on. And in review of those posts, those don't even share half of it.

April and June, two of my very best friends get married. So I begin to truly turn my whole life over to God. What does He want? marriage, singleness? work? family? Texas/United States? What about my home, my dreams, my friends... What do I really want? I am beginning to realize that He is what I really want... Him and what He wants, I want... craziness.

End of June, Brie gets horribly sick... and there seems to be no end... Money, tears, stress, worry, sleepless nights all spew forth... how can I save her? what's wrong? what can I do? I don't want to lose her...

God spares her life, but removes her from mine. Do I really want what He wants? Will it really make me happy? In September she went to live with my parents and has been healing ever since.

Compromise, temptation, seduction... the Tempter truly is good at what he does... With the relief of Brie's improvement and additional freedom from having to rush home... my selfishness took over. It all became about me... and what did God do? He loved me, blessed me, and brought me back...

In October I met a family that needed a temporary home starting in November. The next month would be the most incredible purging of junk from my home, my life. As the family moved in, my life had been cleaned up and cleared out.

Two things emerge here:

First is real church, real ministry, real community being lived out. Stephanie and Denbigh are letting me live with them, free, how amazing is that? Stephanie has a way of loving a person, truly cherishing them that few have. Thank you, Stephanie. I pray that God return to you the blessing that you have been to me and my family.

Second - are you ready for this? I finally am. Thanksgiving rolls around and I realize... I am ready to give it all up for what God has called me to. December confirms this... and I now realize I have given already given up my dog AND my house... and God has provided. It is time.

"Time for what?" you may be asking. Stay tuned to 2007 and you will find out. It's going to be very exciting.

*I tried to stay as brief, but comprehensive as possible. Please let me know if there are specific questions I did not address. Love you guys!

Public Service Announcement

2007-01-03T18:40:00.000-08:00

Attention: All truck drivers
Re: Expressions of appreciation

This is a public service announcement regarding expressions of appreciation including, but not limited to: honking, waving, and yelling "Yeah, baby!" out your window.

Stop it! It's creepy... and gross.

Testing, Testing, 1-2-3

2007-01-02T13:06:00.000-08:00

Did this really just work??

Icee Poll

2006-11-05T17:52:00.000-08:00

I'm curious. Any Icee lovers out there? If so, what flavor? And where do you to fill your cravings?

I have recently discovered the pleasures of Icees. Noting there is a difference between slushies and Icees.

I prefer Coke Icees.

Until recently I didn't think it mattered where you got your fill... however, Burger King blends a fabulous drink.

No title

2006-11-05T17:24:00.000-08:00

I was packing up some of my stuff and found an old high school notebook. My senior year we kept all our papers in one binder that we collected at the end of the year.

Anyway, I found it... and I found the only poem I've ever written. So I'm going to post it for your enjoyment.

It's like the blooming flower in spring
And the baby birds as they sing.

It's the laugh of little children
As they gather round the women.

It's the tears of a new mother,
And the weeping of another.

It's the dew at the dawning hours,
And the sense of divine powers.

It's the ebb and flow of oceans;
It's the cause of all emotions.

It's the need to forgive your friends;
It's striving for the happy ends.

It is so full of joy and strife;
This is the thing we call our life.

Say what?! Who? How? Huh?

2006-11-04T16:34:00.000-08:00

I'll have you know this is the second time I have attempted to post this. The first time all was lost due to server error... and I didn't have it in me to write it again. So this is take two...

I know it's been over a month since I posted anything. You may think I have a lot to share, but not really. This post will be more of an update than the sharing of thoughts.

Let's talk about Maine. I realized that I didn't tell many people that I was going or even what I was going for, so I'll start there. Maine was a work trip. Annually, members from my department attend a communications workshop with other companies in our industry. This year, I went along with three other people from my company.

It was a whirlwind. I met a lot of interesting people. I was there for three days and the highlight was the lobster eating. I was given a lesson by Mainers. Ate the entire lobster with my hands... and made a mess. It was delightful. I highly recommend it!

Work. It's still there. Still mostly the same, except for the people. We've had more turn over, which doesn't do much for morale. I think we are all hoping that people stop leaving or we're the next one to go.

Church. I changed churches almost two months ago. God has been developing a community around me through a different church. I figured it was time that I commit myself to that community. I am looking forward to the blessings that will come.

Brie. She is with my parents and is doing fabulous. She is more playful and losing weight. Her improvement makes all the sadness/loneliness worth it. Please keep praying for her health and healing.

Home. I am leasing/renting my home out for two months. I will be moving in next door with Stephanie. I am very excited. This is a new experience for me. The rent money will be nice, but I am really looking forward to living with Stephanie, she is terribly interesting, encouraging and challenging.

Ok. I think that about covers it. I promise to improve my posting habits.

Creativity, Inspiration and Awe from Maine

2006-09-30T15:21:00.000-07:00

A sailboat we passed it on our way to dinner. It was full of people enjoying a gorgeous afternoon.

The sun was setting while we were sailing. I tried to capture the reflection off the water.

A lot of the roads were cobblestone or brick. This is what some of the street fronts looked like (most had parallel parking in front of the stores).

This is the harbor we sailed out of on our way to dinner, a lobster bake.

This is my next house! The rolling green lawn, a boat house and a sailboat!

This was dinner. I ate the whole lobster, with my bare hands. I highly recommend it. It was delicious. And yes, I am wearing a bib...

My Beautiful Baby

2006-09-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

cRaZy dAy

2006-09-27T17:08:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those?

Today would be one of those for me. No matter what I did or tried to do, nothing went right, came out right, or felt right. Ever have one of those?

When you leave the house 10 minutes early and still get to work 10 minutes late. When you work all eight hours and still have eight hours left to do. When everyone you talk to seems to misunderstand what you are saying, no matter how you say it.

You might think - well that's not too crazy... so here's something to add to it. While feeling all the stuff listed above...

I was able to secure an entire day off - finally.

I am in line for a possible job that would be perfect for me and my situation.

I had a wonderful lunch outside, where I contemplated moving to a Tuscan villa.

I was busy all afternoon, which passed so quickly.

I was inspired to pledge to my community's needs.

Traffic didn't stress me out for the first time in weeks, both ways on my commute - even with being late.

So, anyone ever have a crazy day like that? For as interesting as it was, I hope not to have another day like this in a while.

At about 8p.m. I figured I should just stop talking to people for the remainder of the evening ... and decided to blog instead. Hope you enjoyed.

Epiphany

2006-09-23T12:56:00.000-07:00

So I was on a tiny plane headed from Detroit to Austin (tiny defined as - I could easily touch the ceiling).

We experienced quite a bit of turbulence for most of the flight. Through the windows we could see lightening in the clouds below us. We all knew we were flying through quite a heavy storm.

Two rows in front of me a mother and her son, around 3 years old, were seated. About 30 minutes into the flight he started screaming and crying. I could feel everyone around me tense. I assumed he was scared, which was understandable. The lady next to me, for as annoyed as she was by the little boy, was displaying similar "adult" expression of anxiety - at one point even saying "We're gonna die."

Anyway all that to say, about a minute after the boy started screaming I thought - how long has it been since I have been that free to express myself? ... despite, inspite of the people surrounding me. And not just screaming and crying, but laughing and loving, sharing fears and concerns?? How long has it been since I haven't cared?

I thought to myself, how lucky this boy was to let it all out. I know the lady next to me would have loved to do the same thing.

Ok, so just thought I'd share. I'm sure next time I'm on a plane or watching a child have a temper tantrum I won't feel the same way, but it was a nice enlightenment to appreciate the freedom children have to express and share all they are feeling.

Mi Cuarto Verde

2006-09-23T12:50:00.000-07:00

My "new" favorite room. It's still messy, but it's beautiful!

The Drama Continues

2006-09-07T18:19:00.000-07:00

So good news, bad news... it's been another one of those days. I will start at the beginning and work my way through the day, well through the big stuff. All of this of course is my interpretation...

I had my meeting with my boss at 8am. What a way to start the day. But like I told some of you, God managed to make it a complete compliment. She told me what I needed to work on, pieces of my critical functions. She admitted that all my work was not reflected on this review and suggested that we re-write my job description so I would get credit for everything I do.

Then we went on to have a more personal conversation, during which she turned to me and said "Some time soon you will have to decide if this is going to be a job or a career for you." She said she was more than confident I could do it either way but that I would need to decide. We continued on and she said that coming from where she's come from and doing what she's done, she recommended that based on my strengths I consider something like project management or planning.

So by the end she was very complimentary of all my efforts and of who I am and how I handle conflict and criticism. She was emphatic that I am quick thinker/processer and that my abilities are being held back by my own limitations (whether that be indecision or fear or lack of commitment). Lots of good stuff to think about and consider.

Ok meeting is over and day continues on. I talk with a friend of mine who applied for a job at my office/location and am very excited about the prospects of her coming to the office. Her second interview/discussion went really well and I anticipate good things for her.

4:30 rolls around, time for me to go and things all the sudden get a little weird. The boss asks me to stay, she has to run to a meeting but will be back 20-30 minutes and then I can go.... 6 o'clock rolls around and our whole office is still in the building... waiting... a meeting is called. One of our own has "decided to resign" which when she left for the meeting she had no plans of doing. So... deep breath, I come home.

A small thing, but totally tops my day off - Hays County Appraisal Office. They sent me my "adjusted" appraisal and it was less than half of what they promised to take off... so just another thing to hassle with. I am just tired.

So gonna do a little Bible study on my own, a little prayer on my own and head to bed...

The ATTACK continues, definitely getting more personal, more tangible and closer to home -- must be on the verge of something wonderful.

Rated as a Failure

2006-09-06T16:42:00.000-07:00

It's always a pleasure in life to start a conversation with your boss saying "now I don't want you to get upset."

It's that time of year at my company where bosses evaluate employees... and never before have I feared it as much as this time around. Which I have now discovered was pretty much on target for what came my way.

So I don't really have a lot to say about this other than it joins the other two things in my life I have failed - American Naval History and Business Math 142.

I will pick myself up now, go enjoy a nice dinner and rest... because tomorrow is another day. It is the day we get to "discuss" how and why I am such a failure in her eyes.

"Brave New World"

2006-09-05T18:59:00.000-07:00

Was anyone as thoroughly disturbed by this book as I was? (If you have not read it and plan on reading it, consider skipping this post.)

My favorite, thought-provoking part from the book.

To set the scene the civilized world has become a place where big brother dictates everything to you starting when you are created in a bottle, ending when you die. A "savage" (natural born man) has lived in their "civilization" for a while and is now having a conversation with one of the top 10 leaders/controllers.

------------------------------------------------
"But I like inconveniences."

"We don't," said the Controller. "We prefer to do things comfortably."

"But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poety, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."

"In fact," said [the Controller], "you're claiming the right to be unhappy."

"All right then," said the Savage defiantly, "I'm claiming the right to be unhappy."

"Not to mention the right to grow old and ugly and impotent; the right to have syphilis and cancer; the right to have too little to eat; the right to be lousy; the right to live in constant apprehension of what may happen tomorrow; the right to catch typhoid; the right to be tortured by unspeakable pains of everykind." There was a long silence.

"I claim them all," said the Savage at last.
-------------------------------------------------------

The book paints a picture of the perfect "Matrix," of the world without God, without suffering and without pain. I am still mulling the book over in my head, still disturbed by it... but it has me thinking.

All the things in life that I complain about are really me claiming my right to be "unhappy," but because I know Jesus it should really be me claiming my right to be "happy."

Disclaimer: I have particular issue with the word "happy," however, I am opting to use it in this instance to follow the theme in the quote. I believe "happy" to be a somewhat superficial emotion, often swayed by circumstance; joy is preferable. However, happy brought on by joy is simply beautiful.

I can live my life to the fullest by exercising my choice... not to be "happy" but to trust God and be contented, peaceful and joyful. By choosing to claim my "happiness," my birthright, I choose to live in my own, Brave New World.

Anyone want to join me?

Labor Day

2006-09-04T16:54:00.000-07:00

Today was a wonderfully relaxing day. I dread the start up of work and running around tomorrow. I slept in. Then, went to a pleasant lunch/afternoon at the Cherry's house.

So here is my latest news... I have rolled my TV out of the living room and into a closet. I am going to see how long I can make it before I crack. I did it this morning before vacuuming. So I have not watched TV or a movie all day, which is surprisingly challenging. I am a movie watcher, even if it's just on in the background.

Anyway it is now approaching 7 p.m. and I'm considering my options. I am going to stay strong and make it through this evening. I will keep you posted on my progress. I have a feeling I will be reading many terribly interesting books during this time so feel free to send me recommendations.

I am currently in the middle of "East of Eden" recommended by Warwick and "Brave New World" recommended by Waites and provided by Marc. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday.

Brie and I are off for our first walk in two weeks.... wish us luck.

More Schtick

2006-08-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

You get to guess these definitions.

-Physically
-You can't get with this
-Don't be jealous
-Don't be ugly

Um, I think that might be all for today.

Jesus Marveled

2006-08-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

Matthew 8:10 "Now when Jesus heard this, He marveled and said to those who were following, 'Truly I say to you, I have not found such great faith with anyone in Israel.'"

What is marvel? Merriam Websters say it is "to become filled with surprise, wonder or amazed curiosity;" "to feel astonishment or perplexity at or about."

How often have we heard about "good and faithful servant"? How about Jesus marveled? I have never read that before, at least not that way....

My first thoughts were - Can I make him marvel? Do I make him marvel? Will I make him marvel?

Do you make him marvel? Will you make him marvel?

Schtick

2006-08-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

I find it ironic that I had to work in a communications department to learn what "schtick" is. By the way it is very different from "kitch" but don't ask me how.

I thought I would share with you some of the most popular "schtick" that gets passed around our office. So for all of you that end up hearing me say these things, I apologize, I try to keep it in the office.

- And?! (when being interrupted by a co-worker)
- Help me.... Help me (said with the same as "Help me ... help you" - when you need help and don't want to ask for it)
- Enjoy the ride (when the boss or anyone else is getting way to picky and causing much frustration and stress)
- You're killin' me (when others are being difficult or dorky)
- Mmm, mmmm (when you want another to recognize your presence)

And these are just a few. I will periodically update you on schtick so you are familiar with my new "lingo."

Diagnosis Meningitis

2006-08-26T08:44:00.000-07:00

Brie and I got back from the vet just a few minutes ago.

Dr. Todd is great. She sat down with me for several minutes and we talked through several possible diagnoses. She said that she *thinks*, but can't promise, that it's meningitis. It could still be a tumor, a lesion, cyst or just some random illness but meningitis is likely. She couldn't say if it's viral or bacterial. She said that there isn't a test to diagnosis either sickness... but the symptoms are very clear.

All the symptoms could be explained by it. She said that it could be anywhere from 6 months, 2 years or the rest of her life on meds. A minimal dose, but meds none the less. She sounded quite hopeful for Brie. She did also say that she could be wrong and worse case scenario is that Brie would eventually be have to put down... but we're definitely not close to that point at this time.

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that I'm convinced. So our goal now is to start taking the weight off of Brie. She's now up to almost 15lbs. She started out around11.8-12lbs.

Attack!

2006-08-23T18:40:00.000-07:00

Here's what spiritual attack looks like in my life these days....

Wake up late, wake up tired. Bad hair day, feeling fat. Dog is sick... again. Cash is running short, need to get groceries (milk has gone bad and need it for the coffee). Boss decides to pick on you all day long. Then come the headaches, discontentment, self doubt and finally self pity. Get home and pop in a DVD and rest while watching "Sleepless in Seattle" only to discover that the DVD player is broken.

Old battles, long ago conquered, appear out of nowhere and strike while it's hot.

And then oddly as though it was always there, but finally awakening, a realization that this is not "my" life. This is the life Satan is saying is all wrong and not worth it. In truth my life is much more like this.

Wake up late - have to get to work - to a job God has given me. Throw the now long hair in a ponytail and run out the door with clothes that are baggy from a year of weight loss. Give the dog her meds and see improvements slowly but surely through the days, and know that she is much larger than a sparrow and God watches over her much better than I do. Cash is always there.... as is milk for the coffee, even if it's powdered cream... I still manage to get my cup. Boss begins to let up on the pickiness as she finds other projects to focus on, and now the days seem emptier. Headaches, discontentment, self doubt and self pity fade as I learn to praise God through all things and in all things. What blessing He has given I will turn back, and out of darkness and out of night I will praise. The broken DVD player to rest in front of... provides true rest in reading and silence...

And finally... I may lose the battle, but I know my war is won. I will be prepared for the next battle to come and raise my shield before I am struck.

So I know this is an odd post, but I wanted to share that I know all these things that come at me each day that stack up and pile on and add up.... are all tricks of Satan's trade... and I can now grin as the truth of my reality sinks in. His attack is no longer secret.... and half his battle is now lost.

Verdure

2006-08-20T15:06:00.000-07:00

A fresh or flourishing condition.

The Vision

2006-08-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

It is a great vision. One which is ever growing in my heart and mind.

Three women chosen and lead by God, along with their families desire to create true community in a small, but growing town.

There is a time and there a place.

The time is soon. That is all I know.

The place is the 600 block of Center Street in Kyle, Texas - to eventually expand to the square block in downtown Kyle.

And as times and places change I am confident that this vision will be carried to other towns and cities, by others who have seen it's effects and know it's purpose.

It will be a safe place, a place for healing, a place for comfort, for learning, for expanding and expressing. A place to be vulnerable, a place to be with and know God.

The need is as great as the vision.

Will you join with us? Will you support us? Will you encourage us? Will you pray for and with us?

Quote for today

2006-08-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

"It's never too late to be who you might have been."
-George Eliot

Quote of the day

2006-08-14T17:28:00.000-07:00

"And it never failed that during the dry years the people forgot about the rich years, and during the wet years they lost all memory of the dry years. It was always that way."

-John Steinbeck

Blooming Tea Pot

2006-08-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

It works beautifully!

On and on and on and on...

2006-08-10T18:53:00.000-07:00

This past week has brought many revelations.

For the first time in over a month Brie ran up the stairs and jumped on my bed. She also managed to walk down the stairs without falling.

I had McDonald's this week, and was stunned to realize they offered me an apple pie instead of a super size. My comment to that is "way to go Super Size, Me guy!"

I believe that over the next few months many things will change at my job. I also learned that there are several who feel like I do.

Ever since January, getting back from South Africa, I have been waiting for my schedule and life to settle and fall into a pattern. I realized (again) that this "settle" will never happen.

I also learned that it doesn't help to help God. It doesn't help to search or seek on my own. You can read the next post for more of that.

I am finally coming back to my life. It's been over a month since Brie got sick and the folks came to visit. Where has the time gone?

Ummm.... ok that might be it.

Do Not Look Back

2006-08-10T18:28:00.000-07:00

So you've seen the prior post where I quoted from Frances Roberts... well, I have to do it again.

"For you are precious in my sight, O My child.

I know you by name, for you are not the child of a stranger,

but the fruit of My own loins. Yes, I have begotten you,

I have called you by your name, and you are mine."

"...so you shall suffer in the world.

I have not taken you out of the world,

but I am with you to help you and to encourage you, and to

give you strength in all you may be called to endure."

"Do not lift your hand to attempt to accomplish any slightest

task in your own strength. This I have forbidden.

God helps not those who help themselves,

but He is the champion of those who cannot help

themselves,

and of those who are wise enough not to try.

It is not your cooperation for which I have asked,

but your submission."

"Look not back, but look ahead,

for I have glory prepared for you.

Yes, when you look on My face

you will surely say that these present sufferings

are in no way comparable

to the glory I have in store for you."

Pride and Prejudice

2006-07-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

This is a great movie.
The more you watch it,
the more you want to see it!

Come Away My Beloved

2006-07-30T19:54:00.000-07:00

This is a fantastic daily devotional by Frances J. Roberts. I am going to include some text of one of my recent readings. She does her writings in first voice, God's voice, using Scriptures.

From Center to Circumference

... Only drop those things you grasp in your hand,
and place your hands in Mine.
Only pull your eyes from those things you hold precious,
and I will fill them with My glory.
Release your affections from all others.
Place in My hands those you hold dear.
Leave them in My keeping:
for so shall your heart be set free to seek Me
without distraction.
For when I am to you more precious than all else;
when I have become more real to you than all else;
and when you love Me more than you love any other,
then shall you know complete satisfaction.

... I would have you seek Me in Spirit;

then I will come down upon you in all My fullness

and will hold back nothing of all that I desire to do for you.

... Deep calls unto deep at the noise of the waterspouts,

and I am in you, yes, for this very purpose above all other

purposes, have I taken up My abode WITHIN you; that My Spirit

might be diffused through your spirit, and that we might be

one even as I am one with the Father.

I am in you, and you in Me,

that we might be unified in thought and in action:

in devotion and in purpose,

that we might move continually not as two, but as ONE.

... I ask you not to DO, but to BE

... For I am WITH you and I am IN you

to make you neither barren nor unfruitful.

I am in YOU to give Life,

and to give it to you ABUNDANTLY,

yes, LIFE WITHOUT LIMIT.

... Lo, I wait to bless you;

I wait to give you of My fullness.

I delight to do for you,

because I love you beyond your power to begin to know.

... Lay aside every weight and deliberatly remove

every hindrance.

Give yourself to prayer.

Toobing

2006-07-25T16:47:00.000-07:00

This is such an unusual, yet fun word. You cannot truly understand it's full depth until you have experienced it first hand.

A little over a week ago I had my first true experience. Twelve friends gathered at my home (that's right folks, 12) in Kyle, Texas and 11 of us loaded up into two cars and headed down to New Braunfels to enjoy a leisurely float down the Comal River.

The river was a little low, but was fun none-the-less. We were able to float along at a nice cosy pace. We were the "old folks" that got there early, but it made the day perfect.

We spent three hours floating down river. We went through two or three man-made shoots. The first one caught me a little by surprise, the second not so much.

Three of us were sporting cool summer hats. I love my floppy hat! Almudena looked like a model in hers and Amanda looked like a true cowgirl on her way to Boston.

This is an experience I would gladly repeat annually. This year I only regret not finding my water-proof camera to take along with me.

Probably the coolest thing about the whole experience was that we got to spend several hours getting know several of our friend's spouses and/or the one serious boyfriend (ahem...R.J.).

It was fantastic! I look forward to doing it again!

Where I've Been - Brie Anna Crow Part II

2006-07-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

Drama, drama, drama... that's what you get when you live in a house full of girls.

There were tears and laughter, fear and relief, worry and anxiety... through it all there was my family and friends...

Ok, drama. Brie has a relapse shortly after our wonderful toobing weekend. Shortly being Sunday evening. I took her back into the vet on Monday. The news was the same, however there was more of a push to have extensive testing done.

We agreed to work with medications as much as possible, and I agreed to work up a budget of what was feasible and affordable for me. However, there was one other thing I had going for me, and that was the crazy amounts of prayer and love poured out for both of us. From family to friends, friends of family to friends of friends and family of friends and even co-workers.... all over the place.

So it's been just over a week now and Brie is still on some medication. She is showing improvement. We have a follow up this coming Friday, so please continue to pray and thank you for all your notes and support.

The Truth Behind Confessions

2006-07-24T17:18:00.000-07:00

So upon further contemplation I realized where I got the need to remove sweetner from restuarants.

Mom once took salt and pepper shakes from the Holy Land. Just the other night I saw her remove lime from Taco Cabana... for dinner.

The more I consider this, the more the truth comes out...

I'm a CARPENTER!!

2006-07-10T18:37:00.000-07:00

With lots more in my head to build!

Equal Confession

2006-07-09T19:34:00.000-07:00

I don't like to buy sweetner, because I rarely use it. So a few weeks ago I was at a restuarant - which will remain nameless - with my friend, Stephanie. I grabbed a couple of the blue packets because I had noticed it was running low at home. Stephanie was shocked - and really that isn't the correct word. She was more amused, maybe, by my actions, and even more so by my explanation.

Yesterday, as a gift, she brought me the pretty little packets of Equal from a restuarant she had recently gone to - again will remain nameless. She said she took them specifically for me because she knew my need...

Ok so that's my confession... I take sweetner from restuarants because I'm "too cheap" to buy 100 packets at H-E-B when I only use like five a year, and I'm not even the one who uses it but my company.

Brie Anna Crow

2006-07-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

Thank you all for praying. This has been one stressful week, but we have all survived it. Here's the scoop...

June 21st was the first day that I noticed something was not 100% with Brie. She was walking gingerly, but I thought it was the need to click her long nails. So by the following Friday the nails were clipped and she was still limping some. I "assumed," yes I used that word, and am guilty of it, that she had pulled muscle and just needed time to heal.

Saturday rolls around and it just gets worse, Sunday and she is tripping up and down the stairs. Monday comes and I grin as I see her walking sideways and really in circles, unable to figure out what in the world is going on.

Wednesday (June 28th) has finally arrived and the truth sinks in something is terribly terribly wrong with my puppy, and it's not passing. Mom and dad (thankfully they were here) take Brie to the vet on Thursday morning. Things are not looking good. The vet finds no problem in her spine, no problem in her blood, there is only one thing left - the brain.

So come Friday, three vets have looked at her, none have any definite clue as to what is wrong, all they know is that it most certainly is in the brain. So they have kept her overnight and she is stressed and shaking by the time I pick her up on Friday afternoon.

This is the first time in my life that I have seen a dog, physically, shed tears. She was crying. She wasn't making a sound, but she was crying. Tell me how freaked out I was.

So mom and I get her home (again, thank God mom was here). We do not have a lot of hope, but there is nothing to be done at the vet that cannot be done at home. So we are setting about to make her comfortable, and mom begins to follow up with all those who are praying for Brie, asking that they continue to pray. I on the other hand, can't really talk to anyone, because reality is setting in that I may not have her much longer.

Well we spend Saturday and Sunday (July 1st and 2nd) with her on the couch. We cater to her every need. She eats FOUR, that's right, FOUR meals a day (as opposed to her normal two).

So chaos reigns, in the house and in my heart. Things have calmed down, and Brie has progressed marvelously. She is doing so much better. She is back to her "not 100%" physical state. So please continue to pray. But THANK YOU so much for all your prayers so far.

Ok so that's all the detail I'll go into now. There's more, but I won't bore you. Just know that she is doing great.

Tea Anyone?

2006-07-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

Some of you may not know this about me ... yet. I have friend and neighbor named Stephanie Cherry, you can see her new blog just click on her link to the side. Well this last year for her 29th birthday - the year before she turns 30 she decided she was going to dedicate it to becoming terribly interesting, in many ways.

I loved this idea, so in my typical fashion, I decided to copy her. This year will be a year of "honing" my interests and becoming "terribly" interesting.

In our endeavor "tea" was mentioned. Making tea, brewing tea and blending tea ... hot tea, that is.

So here, if it posts large enough, you will see my first acquisition. It's a blooming tea pot.

It's Me...

2006-06-27T10:13:00.000-07:00

Hey Angela,

It's a special note just for you! I am your fellow graduate of GHCS. I would email you, however I do not have your email address. Good to hear from you. I would like to hear how you found this site.

What's Up Doc?

2006-06-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

So another one bites the dust....

June 3rd was an amazingly surreal day. Jennifer Waites became Jennifer Arnett. It was wonderful to see most of the girls again. Twice in two months, I think we are going to get spoiled.

As for the rest of life...

Work is progressing well. I am coming to like my job more and more. It has just taken a while to get used to the new job, new office, new co-workers and new boss.

Brie remains healthy.... and crazy. She makes me laugh at least one a day.

The house is great. I am getting the urge to "re-do" some things already. I just have to decide what and how.

Otherwise things are great. I can't believe we are already six months into 2006. Hope everyone is having a good one so far...

Ok so I'm out of stuff to say already. Nothing that interesting is going on. Maybe one day I'll get better at this "blog" thing.

If I Won the Lottery

2006-05-19T15:00:00.000-07:00

I had the realization the other day that my life must be pretty good.

I realized that if I won the lottery, all I'd change is the amount of my debt.

That made me happy. So now whenever I get really irritated.... I just remember that if I won the lottery, I'd still do what I do every day.

Blessings at Sunrise

2006-05-19T14:47:00.000-07:00

So as some of you may know... I have drive quite a ways to work
each morning, since getting this new job (Dec 1st).

Well I was in the process of moaning and complaining about being tired and having to fight traffic, when I realized we had started into spring and I got to the see the sunrise every day!

So these are the only two pictures I got... cause, yes, I was driving while I took them...

Now everyday I have at least 10 minutes of beauty before I hit the dreaded Austin traffic and it helps make it all worth it.

So tomorrow, take a moment to enjoy your surroundings, remember what U2 says "It's a beautiful day."

The Encounter

2006-05-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

This was an amazing women's retreat. Changed my life - set me free.

There were only about 3 women that I knew out of 30. I attended this retreat through a friend's church. That in itself is a miracle...

It was a time of prayer and confession. I have never been to anything like it in my life. The book we worked through asked very, very, VERY specific questions and it demanded honesty. Once you were honest you got with your assigned "partner" and prayed a written out prayer/confession, which was questionable.

It was only questionable the first time. After praying with our partner there was just this overwhelming sense of freedom. The burden had been lifted and the ties had been cut and I had no guilt or obligation to that sin any longer.

I don't know how better to describe it... I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in participating.

The "Chang"

2006-05-19T14:27:00.000-07:00

A.K.A. George. It's been so long since I've posted something, I'm going to start current and work my way backward.

April 28th was a beautiful day. Jennifer "George" married Keye Chang.... and officially grew up.

It was so good to see so many people at the wedding. Crazy to think I live hours away from some of you and it took a trip to D.C. to get us all together.

The wedding was absolutely gorgeous. With family and friends looking on she promised her life to the love of her life.... and I felt blessed to see it happen.

The rehearsal dinner was a once in a lifetime event - 10 course authentic chinese meal. Beat that! It was quite good! I think I ate things I didn't even know where edible.

The wedding was beautiful, like I said. The reception was amazing. A cruise boat took us up and down the Potomac River, at night, with monuments lit. There was drinking, dancing, and all around merriment.

It was the definition of "a good time."

If I had pictures I would post them, but I don't. I'm the person who took their camera but didn't ever use it.

If....

2006-04-20T12:55:00.000-07:00

... they made a candle that smelled like fresh cut grass in the Spring, I'd buy it and burn it every Saturday morning, with my window shades open and the fan on, while enjoying my first cup of coffee.

A Pint Short

2006-03-08T10:43:00.000-08:00

So I had my first voluntary blood letting experience yesterday.

It wasn't nearly as bad as rumor had it. It took longer for them to decide if they wanted my blood than for them to take it.

Just for the record - if you've been to Africa anytime in the last 30 years, I think they add an extra 50 questions for you to answer about all the random scenarios that could have occurred.

"Where you ever bit by a mosquite when you were in Africa?" "Where you ever bit by a mosquito that had been to Africa?" "Where you ever exposed to blood drawn by a mosquito that had been to Africa or previous sucked blood from an African?" "Did you have sex with anyone who was bitten by a mosquito in Africa?" "Did you have sex with a male who had sex with a male at least once prior to 1979, who was bitten by a mosquito in Africa or from Africa?" "Have you ever purchased sex or drugs from someone who was bitten by a mosquito in Africa?" Are you kidding me?! (Ok so some of those I made up, but some of those were pretty close to the real thing. I'll let you figure out which.)

On top of all the extra questions I then had to explain in detail where I had been, as well as point it out on a map, then swear that I hadn't been any other places, with my hand over my heart. (Ok, not really - no hand over heart, but I had to point and then confirm twice those were the only places I had been.) After swearing, the tech then proceeded to write an essay regarding my recent travels. I considered offering her my photo album as an attachment, labeled Appendix A.

So that was my adventure. Fun times. I'd do it again....

Yummy Memories

2006-02-21T10:51:00.000-08:00

So last night I enjoyed a dessert I have not had in years. After pouring myself a glass of milk, pulling out the generic oreos (thanks for the cookies mom), I jumped up to sit on my kitchen counter and started dunking.

Much to Brie's dismay there was no sharing.

I have to say, good times, good memories, good dessert. It's so simple and so yummy. I will spend the next week or so enjoying the same dessert, until I have worked my way through the entire package of cookies or the milk. Whichever comes first.

I will admit, the toasted PB&J I had before the cookies probably helped with the memories too!

"Captivating"

2006-02-16T12:33:00.000-08:00

This has been one of the best books I have read in a very long time (don't ask how many I have read lately). Unfortunately, I do not have my copy with me or I would force you all to suffer through direct quotes...

John and Stasi Eldridge wrote this as a joint venture and completely captured, what I believe is at the core of every woman.... ok I will qualify, every normal woman (I freely admit there are some who are not "normal").

So this is my plug to say, every woman I know should read this book. And every man who would want to marry a woman I know (which, if we're honest is most men, cause I know some pretty cool ladies) then you should invest some of your time in reading this.

It covers "the" question every woman wants answered (I said answered guys, not asked). It covers how and why we were created, our strengths and weaknesses. It covers our need for healing, our need to refute the lies of Satan that we are bombarded with on a daily basis. It encourages us to join the battle and fight as the women that we were meant to be, the women that God created Eve to be.

Ok so that's really all I have to say about this book. I don't want to bore you too badly.

John Eldridge also wrote "Wild at Heart", "Waking the Dead", and "The Journey of Desire".

I would also recommend Donald Miller - Quincy also recommends him in his blog if I remember correctly. He is an informal, casual writer who walks his readers through thought provoking conversations and concepts. I can easily recommend "Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching for God Knows What".

I will also gladly accept recommendations on what to read... so let me know what y'all are reading.

Happy Valentine's Day

2006-02-14T05:51:00.000-08:00

I have no further comment on this subject....

Acts 3:19

2006-02-09T05:54:00.000-08:00

Therefore repent and return so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.

... in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord...
I love it, bring it on!

I find that I'm loving "re" words right now. Definition: again, anew.

Re-pent, re-turn, re-fresh, re-concile, re-cognize, re-deem, re-claim, re-build and the list just goes on and on.

Curious for more? Check out Websters, he will re-veal more.

Harder Than I Thought

2006-01-31T09:52:00.000-08:00

So I started this blog a few days ago, at the time I thought it was a fantastic idea. My own form of being "published". Now I am realizing that I am having a hard time writing because people are actually going to read it (maybe I give myself too much credit thinking people will read). I feel the pressure to be clever and witty. It makes me regret all the comments I have made to other bloggers to blog more!

I will blog more and see if I get any better at it...

Fresh Start

2006-01-26T17:02:00.000-08:00

This is my very first blog attempt. I have decided that in the interest of time, ongoing changes, and my new "career" it would be in my best interest to begin "blogging". We will see how it goes, and how long it lasts. I hope you enjoy this journey for as long and as far as it may take both you and me.